Supporting Our Kids

When we started having kids, I gave a lot of thought to the family traditions I wanted to create - the kinds of things that would be talked about for years and hopefully even passed to the next generation. One tradition I’m particularly proud of is the way we celebrate birthdays. I’ll spare you the details, but it involves heirloom dishes, golden utensils, and meticulously wrapped gifts. It’s all worth the fuss because these are exactly the things that my kids will talk about for years, right?

Nope. The most loved and requested birthday tradition is the dollar store streamers I hang from the bedroom door.

This pretty much sums up my experience with discipling my children. There have been times I have spent a lot of energy trying to construct memorable spiritual practices for my family, but oftentimes, the most meaningful practices happen in the mundane parts of our family life.

It’s easy for me to feel overwhelmed with all the different hats I’m wearing as a mom, wife, teacher, sister, friend, and daughter, but I believe there are seasons in our life when it’s ok to put the heirloom plate on the shelf and decorate my life with dollar store streamers.

As I’ve reflected on this shift of mindset and expectation, I realized there are 4 ideas that have anchored me into a bit more intentionality around the spiritual development of my kids. 

  1. Discipleship flows out of my personal relationship with Jesus.

Discipleship is a life-on-life investment, and if I want my kids to be fully alive in Christ, the most consistent model for that is my own life. Being fully alive can look a lot of different ways, but I’ve noticed a few key areas in my own life that affect my ability to stay connected to Jesus and feel alive. Those areas are: my own mental/emotional health, speaking gratefulness, serving those around me, and being in a regular rhythm of reading my bible. 

At the end of the day, I can’t give my kids what I don’t have. My personal disciplines, life rhythms, and restorative practices help keep me relationally connected to myself, God, and others (my kids included). 

2. Go where I’m called to serve and bring the kids along.

I’ve been guilty in the past of using my kids as reasons not to serve instead of responding to God’s direction in my own life. If we are to raise kids that serve Jesus, we have to model it because as Sally Clarkson says in Ministry of Motherhood “What good are all our efforts at raising children who love the Lord if we stop short of sending them out from our homes to bring God’s redemptive love to those who need it? Giving our children the gift of service means not just telling them that service is important but actually taking them with us and showing them how to serve.” 

Maybe there will be a time when we take a family mission trip, but right now I’m feeling called to faithfully serve my neighborhood which looks more like delivering meals to sick neighbors, learning to have kind conversations with the elderly in our Nana’s retirement home, and getting mail for the widow down the street.  Being faithful often doesn’t feel “fancy” but every member in our family is learning to sacrifice something (time, resources, desires) for someone else as a response to how we see Jesus serving others in the scriptures.

3. Simple is better.

I have found that the best discipleship strategy is to follow each child’s input preference and/or interests. My daughter prefers auditory input so we listen to bible stories in the car while running errands. My son enjoys devotional books, particularly ones that integrate science. One way we draw out meaningful conversation from our kids is to get them outside. There is something special about activating our senses that warms our hearts to His presence in our lives.  

I’ve also found that what works for one child may not work for the other – and what works today may not work next month.  It’s obvious that as kids grow, their developmental needs change, so we should expect the same from their spiritual needs. We are always trying new resources and techniques and seeing what sticks.

4. Stay connected to community. 

I am not enough for my kids. Even though my life will be a primary model for what it might look like to be fully alive in Christ, my kids need other safe and connected adults to reinforce God’s ideas and care for them. Having consistent connections outside our family develops a place for my kids to bring questions and process life with other trusted, safe adults. We don’t have to hold the development of our kids alone, and actually, I’d encourage us not to! 

Staying connected to the community is sometimes easy, and sometimes it’s a discipline that requires commitment and follow-through. It’s worth fighting for because it teaches our kids that life beyond our nuclear family matters. 

When it comes to the development of our kids, the connection with them is what trumps any complicated plans or methods. There is no “technique” that works all the time, or forever, but here are a few resources we’ve found helpful in weaving in intentional conversations about God into our daily life. 

Audio Resources: 

Kid’s Resources: 

Parent Resources: